Maligned Minnesota Vikings kicker Blair Walsh has been declared missing soon after he erred on a 27-yard field goal that would have defeated the Seattle Seahawks in Sunday’s Wild Card game. Lt. Blair Walsh, a bearded female detective for the Minnesota Police Department, has been tasked with finding Walsh.
“He’s nowhere to be found,” said Lt. Walsh at a recent press conference, only two days after the fateful game. “Gone. Vanished. AWOL. No need to keep looking. Open and shut case here. “
It was no accident that Lt. Walsh nabbed this case. She showed up at the precinct a couple of days ago, on leave from a special division of the Canadian Security Intelligence Service that specializes in finding wayward athletes who made “itsy-bitsy slip ups” and had to leave town.
“According to his dossier, Blair is a good guy,” Lt. Walsh told the Kicker. “He just made one totally understandable mistake. I mean, the air was so cold and Jeff [Locke, Vikings holder] did not adjust the laces to my…erm…Blair’s liking.”
Following her press conference, Lt. Walsh proceeded to look under tables, shine a flashlight at already lit corners of the room, and sigh in apparent frustration.