Toronto is riding high these days with the dazzling debut of the Maple Leafs’ Auston Matthews, and the Blue Jays sweeping the Rangers to advance to the ALCS. But they’re mostly excited about Donald Trump not being able to ruin their country.

“Sure, our teams have been exciting… but let’s have a little perspective,” said Toronto mayor John Tory. “I rather lose every game for 100 years than have Donald Trump run Canada for a day.”


A parade in downtown Toronto has been scheduled for November 8th, when America could potentially elect Trump. Both the Blue Jays and Maple Leafs will be in attendance, celebrating what expects to be a peaceful, stress-free day.

“Avoiding this American election cycle has truly been the highlight of my career,” said Blue Jays slugger Jose Bautista. “This is what you play in Canada for.”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.