10)Alexander Ovechkin, Capitals: Remember to do my DuoLingo homework.

via russianmachineneverbreaks.com

9)Sidney Crosby, Penguins: Google Lemieux’s career and ensure he had off years too.

via post-gazette.com

8) Jamie Benn, Stars: Find way to keep hair permanently wet.

via xnsports.com

7)Ken Hitchcock, Blues: Lose in the second round of the playoffs.

via sports.yahoo.com

6)Martin Brodeur, Devils (retired)Drink a beer during game play with Jaromir Jagr.

via nj.com

5)Jonathan Quick, Kings: Move out of my parent’s house.

via sports.yahoo.com

4)Henrik Lundqvist, Rangers: Stop wearing a tailored suit under my uniform.

via blog.aglamslam.com

3)Artemi Panarin, Blackhawks: Progress so quickly I have sophomore slump in rookie season.

via committedindians.com

2)Joe Sakic, Avalanche: Change team name back to Nordiques.
1) Henrik & Daniel Sedin, Canucks: Cultivate a personality that’s completely true and unique to my self-identity.

via thehockeyhouse.net

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.