After enduring a four week suspension, Tom Brady is out for revenge. Sources inside the Patriots say that the 39-year-old quarterback has been referring to himself this week as “The Angel of Death.”

“I will rain fire and pain down upon my foes. I shall be their devil and their God,” cackled a maniacal Brady, after non-contact drills at a recent practice. “Destruction is all they will know! BOW BEFORE ME, FOOLS! I AM THE ANGEL OF DEATH!!!”

Teammates said that, while they appreciated Brady’s passion and competitive spirit, they wondered if maybe he was getting a little carried away.

“Tom is the heart and soul of this team,” began tight end Rob Gronkowski. “But this week, he started showing up in like this big dark robe with a hood that he refused to put down. It’s not even Halloween yet. It’s a little much. ”

Team officials had to reign in Brady a bit when he demanded that a goat be sacrificed in his honor before Sunday’s game.

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*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
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