Last night all of San Antonio was on fire as Tim Duncan’s retirement party lit up the Chilli’s restaurant at the Alamo Quarry Market until 10:30 PM. The party, sponsored by Woodbridge Chardonnay and the crazy folks at Balloon Emporium, got the crowd absolutely lit with complimentary wine, beer and Chilli’s signature southwestern eggrolls.

Duncan was in rare party form, wearing an impeccable Men’s Wearhouse suit and a hilarious hat that read “I’m not 40, I’m 39.95 plus tax!”

“Let’s all go ahead and get turn’t,” said Duncan, holding up a tasteful looking Skinny Patron margarita. Then Duncan shouted, “Hit it!” and the sounds of the Commodores’ “Sail On” came over the loud speakers.

People danced for up to four songs before the Chilli’s management politely asked them to sit because the food was coming out.

All of San Antonio’s elite showed up including Mayor Ivy Taylor, KSAT news personality Steve Spriester, and the Spurs Coyote (who had to leave at 8 PM for a corporate event.) Duncan got the party started by giving each guest a hug, then presenting them with a custom cookie with their name in icing. When handing each guest the cookie, Duncan would often laugh and say his signature joke, “You know you’ve made it when your name is on a cookie.”

People who were lucky to be there said that Gregg Popovich got especially rowdy, and at one point, accidentally smiled.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.