David Ortiz’s time with the Boston Red Sox is up, and the organization gave him quite a gift, we guess? Yep, David Ortiz now has his own personal ship from the Revolutionary War.

“Ah yes, because Boston, and the Revolutionary War, right, cool,” said Big Papi, politely accepting the completely impractical gift. “I suppose I’ll think of you all whenever I look at this ship!”

“We wanted to give Big Papi something that said ‘you made history’,” explained Red Sox owner John Henry. “And nothing says making history like a relic of the Continental Navy!”

According to sources close to Ortiz, the newly retired slugger will used the ship as a storage unit for his old jerseys and bats.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.