What’s happening on that field has no place in my America,” said Cruz. 

In a last-ditch effort to win over voters in Iowa, Ted Cruz has proposed a bill that bans Cam Newton from dancing in Super Bowl 50.

Senate Bill 3712 (nicknamed “Elway’s Law”) makes it illegal for any “excessive celebration, high-stepping, “dabbing” or “hot-dogging” to take place after a quarterback scores a touchdown.” The violator will be immediately arrested and forced to vacate the game.

Newton learning of Cruz's current poll position (Getty)

Newton learning of Cruz’s current poll position (Getty)


In a campaign stop in Cedar Rapids, Cruz said, “When I see what’s happening in football today, it makes me hang my head in shame for America. Cam Newton does not represent the best of this country. He represents the loudest.”

Cruz continued. “Why must we tolerate a culture where people feel they must celebrate themselves at all times? Arrogance and self-congratulation have no place in the NFL. That’s only for politics!”

Cruz then laughed at his own joke and looked hopefully around the room, pointing at the one other woman in the crowd who also gave a small laugh.

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We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.