People have been saying that my attempt to play baseball is just a publicity stunt. But I want to assure you that I am very serious about this. Baseball has always been my number one, true passion and oh wait, Teddy Bridgewater went down? Dude, Vikings — hit me up, I’m totally available. Seriously, I’ll start today.

Oh, what’s that? You’re good? That’s cool, that’s cool.

So yeah, as I was saying, I’ve played baseball my whole life. It’s possible to love two sports equally you know. I just don’t want to live with the regret of not having tried to play the sport that I am fully committed to — hold up, there’s a 612 number calling my cell. That’s Minneapolis, I really gotta get that.

[answers phone]

Yooo, it’s Tebow! Really? That’s great! Yes! I gladly accept your two-year offer, thank you so much!


Oh, you’re a long distance telemarketer? No, I – I thought you were someone else. No, I don’t want to change carriers right now. Thank you though.

Well, how can I have made a commitment to you? I haven’t even given you my credit card number yet. Yeah. Oh okay, that’s a good point. It’s 2155 – 3421 – wait a minute. No. No I’m not interested. Thank you for your offer, but I think I’m good.

[hangs up phone]

So yeah, baseball, huh? America’s pastime! Fenway. Curveballs. Hot dogs! Let’s get out there. I am excited about this.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.