A sad day for the spelling bee community as one of the sport’s rising stars broke the substance-abuse policy, testing positive for adderall.

The fifth grade Corpus Christi native, whom we are unable to name for legal purposes, was suspended 50 words for this first offense. Tournament officials have indicated that a second offense could result in further penalties anywhere from 75-100 words, essentially eliminating him from this year’s competition.

“We understand that performers can feel quite the encumbrance during competition, but our sport must maintain a minimum standard of decorousness,” said a representative for the Scripps National Spelling Bee.


In a statement released through his agent/legal guardian the spelling star said, “I completely accept the ramifications of my unscrupulous behavior. I suppose I have become so vainglorious in my quest for achievement, that I have betrayed my personal sense of compunction.”

He finished by adding, “Despite my current imbroglio, I hope you can all attend my birthday party this weekend.”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.