Yo yo! It’s everyone’s favorite gam-gam, Space Jam Granny, here to finally put one of the stupidest hypothetical internet debates to bed: the ’95-’96 Tune Squad would motherjumpin’ WRECK the ’16-’17 Tune Squad.

First of all, the rules were way different back then. I mean, we could (and did) use an actual gun to shoot our opponents teeth out. Forget the hand check rules. We went straight Pulp Fiction on their alien asses.

Nowadays though? Anytime someone gets shot in the face on the court, he just flops and the refs get replay-shamed into calling a Flagrant 2. Disgraceful. What has happened to the game I love?

Also, everyone remembers that we had Michael Jordan, but not everyone is as quick to point out that we had Bill Freakin’ Murray in his prime. Space Jam was the culmination of a seven-year run that saw him in Scrooged, What About Bob, Ghostbusters II, Ed Wood, and motherflippin’ Kingpin.


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Who do you have coming off the bench now? The crotchety but well-meaning star of a Sofia Coppola or Jim Jarmusch film? Oh dammit, what am I saying, Bill Murray is still brilliant. Forget this part of the argument.

But still! We’re talking about a mentally-tough, undefeated team that took down mutant Shawn Bradley, Larry Johnson, and Muggsy Bogues with the entire galaxy watching. No way in Tune Hell that today’s team would come with in a bunny’s ear of us.

Also, LeBron is a choke artist.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.