Welp! Looks like the NBA has set a super cool precedent for workplaces around this great country: we can now kick our co-workers SQUARE in the beanbag, and you won’t so much as get suspended from work for a single day.

God I love this country.

Here’s me kicking my co-worker Zack in the balls!

Zack Nuts (1)

Here’s me kicking my co-worker Conor rrrrrrrright in his balls!

Conor Nuts


Here’s me kneeing my co-worker Rob in the balls, while our boss looks on!

Rob Nuts

And here’s Rob and me teaming up to kick our boss right in his bossy balls!

Boss Nuts

All right, I’m gonna wrap this up, because there’s a horde of people closing in on my desk, all of whom are presumably looking for (consequence-free) retributive nutshots. Gotta go!

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.