A children’s birthday party outside Boston went horribly wrong this week, when Patriots quarterback and caring father Tom Brady apparently misread the inflation instructions on his rented bounce castle, resulting in several non-serious injuries.

“I told him, the prescribed legal parameters for bouncy castle inflation is right in the manual: just leave the fan on,” said the CEO of Homeward Bounce Rentals, Porter Glayworth. “But Tom wouldn’t listen. Gave the kids a real unfair competitive advantage in terms of being able to jump real high.”

Brady quickly came to his own defense, calling local news stations to debate physics professors on the Ideal Gas Law.

“I wanted to put the right amount of air in there, but I couldn’t risk a deflated drawbridge or a deflated gate,” said Brady. “That would have been far more dangerous, I think. Can we please just stop talking about this? Maybe?”

All six injured children and wide-receiver Julian Edelman are expected to fully recover within a few days.

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*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.