The Steph Curry-led Golden State Warriors won their 19th consecutive game to open the season, narrowly defeating the Utah Jazz 106-103. Immediately following the game, several players on the Warriors were seen glistening with what appeared to be an internally formed salty liquid compound, sending local scientists into an exploratory frenzy.

“Is it possible that [Curry’s] body released Crystal Pepsi toward the end of the game?” wondered Corey Grassey, the head of the Sports Science Institute of Fresno, CA. “Maybe it was a thin vegetable broth? The point is we don’t know.”


The Warriors had typically been seen lounging on chairs during the final periods of previous games, and during those games, Warrior foreheads appeared to maintain complete dryness. Scientists now posit a theoretical correlation between the closeness of the number of points each team had scored and the (possibly?) Lemon-Lime Sprite coming out of Curry’s pores and cranial cavities.

“We’ve taken a sample back to the lab for testing,” noted Grassey. “We currently have it narrowed down to a dozen possibilities, but our main suspects are the goop that Alex Mack turned into when she could slide under doors and sweat.”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.