In hopes of catering the Saints’ offensive attack to their aging core, Saints head coach Sean Payton has torn out most of the pages from the team’s playbook and replaced them with pamphlets containing helpful retirement advice.
“It doesn’t matter if we pass it or run it. We’re not going to win either way,” Payton explained. “But you know what does make a difference? Setting up a reliable, steadily growing 401k account. That’s something these guys need to start thinking about, today.”
The new playbook also includes listings for timeshares in Mexico, birthday cards from grandchildren, and multiple reminders that “Your golden years are still to come.”
“Personally, I prefer a more traditional running attack,” said Saints running back Adrian Peterson. “The only plays I see designed for me are labeled ‘Reckoning With Reality’ or ‘Nearby Emergency Rooms.’ Just gotta get used to this new system, I guess.”