Innovative Alabama football coach Nick Saban has reportedly drawn up several new gadget plays, in which quarterback Jalen Hurts appears to throw the ball directly at offensive coordinator Lane Kiffin’s scrotal region on the sidelines.

The play, dubbed Z-Rocket 94-I Ass-Chew, features a pistol-formation snap, a play-action fake hand-off, and a crisp spiral aimed directly at Kiffin’s nardies, preferably when he’s not looking or holding a hot cup of coffee.

The play will be used during one of several in-game situations, either to stop the clock or to humiliate Kiffin on Alabama’s upcoming Lane Kiffin Day.


“We’ve won a few championships, sure, but that’s no excuse to become complacent with our current playbook,” Saban said. “And hey, maybe if he gets hit in the beanbag once in a while, he’ll finally wake the f*** up and win me a couple games.”

Saban has also added plays where the ball is punted directly at Kiffin’s face, and a fake field goal play where the entire offensive line runs over to Kiffin and hurls insults that Saban was up all night writing.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.