Oklahoma City Thunder baller and world-renowned vocal-chord-shredder Russell Westbrook came to play this season. Aside from putting up 33 points in his first outing, he also let loose a number of bellows that felt as if they could have come from the Earth’s very core.

Westbrook, a native of Long Beach, California, employs a rigorous regimen of morning hollering, mid-day howling, and a hearty bout of post-dinner shrieking. Says his vocal chord trainer, Peter A. Petrussian, “I’ve never seen Russell more dedicated to the cause.”

A spokesperson for the San Antonio Spurs commented that the team was “shocked that Russell had gotten there so quickly,” as it was merely his first game of the season. “Game 20, 25, sure, we expect caterwauling like that. But Game 1? Showed no rust at all from the offseason.”

Westbrook is believed to have taken the jersey number “0,” as the shape is closest to that of his mouth when he lets loose one of his signature yawps.


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