Veteran quarterback Tony Romo is determined to have a positive impact on the Dallas Cowboys’ season, even when sidelined by injury. The 36-year old former Pro Bowler was seen embracing the role of mentor, helping young back-up Dak Prescott by offering him a map of the best hospitals in the Dallas/Fort Worth area.

“Baylor University Medical Center, they’ve got state-of-the-art equipment across the board, real primo stuff,” Romo said to the young Prescott. “But you can’t look past the friendliness of Elaine in reception at William P. Clements Jr. Hospital on Harry Hines Boulevard. It’s an extra twenty-minute drive from your house, but you can’t put a price tag on service with a smile.”

“Now, you can’t go wrong with Texas Health Presbyterian,” Romo continued. “Clean, efficient, great Yelp reviews, wonderful kid-friendly waiting area for if you ever have kids. And all the Jell-o a man can eat.”

After several grueling weeks of two-a-days studying the hospital map, Romo asked Prescott to take a knee and fully understand the value of staying out of these hospitals and on the field. Prescott then fell to the ground clutching both knees, knocking over several practice squad Cowboys quarterbacks in the process and injuring them permanently.

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones was seen taking out his cell phone, finding the contact labeled “Johnny M.”, and muttering to himself, “Oh boy, here we go.”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.