The bombshell reports keep coming, as Roger Federer, arguably the greatest tennis player in the history of the sport, admitted this week that he was offered “north of three million dollars” in exchange for intentionally winning the US Open.

“The most shocking thing about it was how brazen they were,” Federer recalled at a tearful press conference. “They were emailing me, telling the press, calling my agent. I regret ever picking up the phone.”

Federer holds the record for most Men’s Grand Slam singles titles with 17, but after seeing the shady dealings in his sport, he has courageously refused to win any Grand Slam titles since 2012.

Roger Federer accepting a bribe from the U.S. Open last summer. (Getty)

Ethical Roger Federer stubbornly accepting second place at last summer’s US Open. (Getty)


“What kind of example would I be setting for my daughters if I took that kind of blood money?” asked Federer, likely not expecting a reply.

Tennis, of course, is not the first sport to be rocked by this type of scandal. Cyclists have long been awarded cash payouts for winning large races, as have golfers for professional tournaments. Tiger Woods, one of the highest-paid paid athletes of all time, allegedly had checks mailed directly to his house during his prime.

As of press time, no one has offered this reporter any money to take a dive in an athletic contest of any kind, but it should be known that he is very willing. Very. Willing.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.