MLB commissioner Rob Manfred is finally carving out some time to write down baseball’s many unwritten rules in an effort to prevent the types of controversies that have plagued the league in recent years.

“Bud [Selig] never got around to it and neither did [Fay] Vincent,” Manfred said. “I get it. Being the commissioner is a busy job, but honestly this has gone on for long enough. It’s an embarrassment that baseball has been a sport for over a hundred years and so many of our rules are still unwritten.”

Commissioner Happy Chandler started to write out the unwritten rules in 1946, but only got as far as “No Punching” before he was distracted by a gambling scandal.

“Every year, it gets us in trouble,” Manfred said. “And it could all be avoided if I just found the time to write down: A player who hits a home run shall not round the bases in a time that exceeds 24.57 seconds, unless that player’s Body Mass Index exceeds 31 or he is retaliating against the prior violation of another unwritten rule, in which case he shall be afforded an additional 2.02 seconds.”

“Or something like that,” he added.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.