Buffalo Bills coach Rex Ryan has signed internet sensation Wild Sea Boar to a three-year contract worth three years of carrion and acorns.

“He just had the kind of intensity I’m looking for,” Ryan said. “The way he bowled into people with little regard for the play being called: that’s what I want the Bills’ defense to be known for.”

Wild Sea Boar was captured on video hurtling itself out of the frothy surf, and diving into the fray of frightened bathers nearby. Had there been a fumbled football in the area, Ryan is confident the boar would have recovered it or at least partially gored it.


Always attempting to one-up his AFC East rivals, Patriots coach Bill Belichick signed nine-year old Landry Kellogg, the two-time youth Mutton Bustin’ champion of Texas, who is confident his skill set will translate to Wild Sea Boar Bustin’.

Though the contract promises three years of carrion and acorns, only half of that is guaranteed.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.