The Buffalo Bills finally got the message: give the people what they want!
Outspoken defensive genius coach Rex Ryan has been instructing his team all week on how to pick up their opponents mid-play and bodyslam them down through a cheap folding table taken from a nearby tailgate.
“I was walking through the parking lot before last game, as I do every week, and I saw a possibly inebriated 300-pounder throw his buddy through a table,” Ryan mused. “Everyone in the area went nuts for it!”
“And I thought, huh. There can’t possibly be an NFL rule against doing that. So here we are,” added Ryan.
To enhance the technique, team officials have been replacing the Bills’ water jugs with a 50/50 combination of Red Bull and Jägermeister. And yes, that combination is exactly as revolting during a full-contact football practice as you remember it being from high school.
“Coach, I don’t feel so hot,” said woozy Bills quarterback Tyrod Taylor, just as assistant coach Rob Ryan blindsided him with a folding chair.