Reports indicate that WWE chairman Vince McMahon was behind Teddy “The Bruise” Cruz’s epic heel turn at the Republican National Convention. McMahon apparently stopped Cruz mere minutes before he was set to endorse Republican nominee Donald Trump and offered him an unexpected — and far more lucrative — direction.

“Yes, yessss, yeeeessss,” McMahon was seen muttering to himself, as Cruz cupped one hand to his ear so he could better hear the chants of “Endorse Trump! Endorse Trump!” that he would brazenly ignore. “Embrace the heel, my young Ted. Embrace the heel!”


As part of his career shift into Republican villainy, Cruz will adopt the costume of a spandex business suit and the finishing move of bashing opponents over the head with a Bible.

“The Bruise” is expected to stand beside Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton today at the podium and raise her arm, while leading the rallying cry of “NWO! NWO! NWO!”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.