ABC television executives have been in a state of constant orgasm since learning the NBA Finals would extend to a dramatic Game 7, sources say.
The sources report that since Thursday when the Cavs forced a decisive Game 7—which is sure to be a ratings bonanza—leaders in the network’s programming, sports and advertising divisions have been climaxing continuously and uncontrollably.
“It’s like what they say happens in tantric sex, they’re just overwhelmed with euphoria at the thought of the ratings and ad revenue,” one source said. “It doesn’t necessarily look pleasurable.”
Sources say that regardless of who wins, employees have stocked the network’s control room with hundreds of cigarettes for after tonight’s game.