The Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots are in first place in their respective divisions, and there is a decent chance that that fact will be true for the remainder of the the year.

Don’t panic. You will get through this. Just follow these four simple steps.

1. Do Not Bring Up DeflateGate
Unless you want to end up in a 45-minute conversation about the Ideal Gas Law, which, you know, follow your bliss if you’re into that.

2. Do Not Bring Up Sports
Do you want to hear about how Tom Brady “really IS” the greatest quarterback of all-time, and how David Ortiz is the most clutch hitter since Ted Williams for the rest of your afternoon? I mean, those two things are incontrovertibly true, bro, but I don’t know if you need to spend work hours learning it.


3. Do Not Say Words Near Them
Boston fans are incredible at turning any topic of conversation into a discussion of first-place Boston teams. It goes something like this:

You: “Hey it’s really nice out for September, I didn’t even have to wear a jacket today.”
Boston Fan: “I know, it’s like ‘thank you, global warming,’ haha!”
You: “Haha, totally.”
Boston Fan: “Yeah. I was thinking about going for a picnic this Saturd– TOM BRADY IS THE GREATEST QUARTERBACK OF ALL-TIME HE GOT JOBBED BY A WITCH HUNT I CAN’T WAIT FOR GOODELL TO HAVE TO HAND HIM THE LOMBARDI TROPHY ON NATIONAL TV, DUDE.”

4. Quit Your Job
Let’s be honest, you can’t avoid a Boston fan when you’re forced to share the same workspace for 40-50 hours per week. Just find a new job and hope there’s no dickhead from Worcester working there.

FYI – there definitely will be. WE ARE EVERYWHERE GO PATS GO SOX!!!

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.