Thousands of baseball players have passed through the Red Sox organization over the years, but perhaps no one has made a bigger impact than David Ortiz: just look at the quaint studio apartment he’s fashioned out of the space inside of Fenway Park’s Green Monster.

“I like to think of my apartment as rustic, kind of like a loft except smaller, you know?” Ortiz told a large group of reporters crammed into the 8 foot x 12 foot space. “It’s nothing fancy, but it’s my home.”

Despite career earnings exceeding $160 million, Ortiz has continued to call the bowels of Fenway Park home since the age of 5, when he was just a small child from the Dominican Republic. After a brief stint with the Minnesota Twins, he joined the Red Sox to “cut down on [his] commute.” However, his repeated attempts to find a roommate have continually failed.

“I thought Manny [Ramirez] would want to move in, since he’d come inside the wall during games sometimes,” Ortiz explained. “But he slept over one time, and complained that it smelled like pee. I don’t know. I think he was being dramatic.”

“Lotta memories in here, though,” Ortiz added. “That corner over there? I used to pee there when I was nine. Still pee there today.”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.