Astrophysics professor (and NBA guard) Russell Westbrook has developed an exciting new theory that, thanks to the recent confirmation of gravitational waves, will allow him to dunk through the spacetime continuum.

“We believe that with proper propulsion — and this has been confirmed in independent lab conditions with several slam dunking rats — I can slam dunk my way to a parallel universe where, say, people don’t care where Kevin Durant will sign in 2021,” said Professor Westbrook in prepared statement.


Long theorized by Westbrook’s mentor, Albert Einstein, gravitational waves posit the undulating nature of the universe, as caused by gravity, thereby allowing previously-thought impossible modes of space travel and dunking.

“It’s an exciting time to be a physicist, and an even more time to be a Thunder season ticket holder,” noted Westbrook’s head teaching fellow Enes Kanter. “There’s a lot to look forward to with this team. Also, we’re 40 and 14.”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.