LeBron James just told Sports Illustrated that he’s chasing the ghost of my best friend Michael Jordan, who — it should be noted — is totally still alive.

[Not gonna lie, my heart totally skipped a beat when I saw that LeBron, who generally knows what words mean, referring to my buddy as a ghost. Ghosts are usually the embodiment of dead people, in my extensive experience with the paranormal.]

Okay, while LeBron will definitely go down as one of the Greatest Players Of All-Time (Non-Michael, Non-Scottie Division), I just need people to know that he’s chasing far inferior ghosts to the ones MJ chased back in the day.

You have to understand, MJ was chasing the ghost of Larry Bird. The ghost of Bill Russell. The ghost of Magic Johnson. The ghost of the Pistons’ Isiah Thomas. The ghost of the Celtics’ Isaiah Thomas.

Yes, he kept chasing ghosts well after they retired. That’s why he’s the best.

And by the way, based on reading that article, LeBron seems to be talking about chasing ghosts in strictly metaphorical terms. MJ, on the other hand, used to get his proton pack out and literally chase and trap ghosts. And he was damn good at it.

Dan Aykroyd called him one time — I think it was during our second championship season together — to say, “Dude, we do this for a living. Ghost chasing isn’t even your main job. And you’re still better at it than our fictional characters in the 1984 smash-hit movie Ghostbusters ever were.” Seriously, that’s what he said, word for word. I wrote it down, because it felt really strange for him to talk all formal like that.

I totally forget what I was talking about. I got distracted, because I just got a google calendar alert to call my almost-brother Michael Jordan now (I have his cell phone number memorized) to make sure he’s alive.

UPDATE: He’s alive.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.