After another disappointing season that failed to lead to a playoff appearance, New York Knicks president Phil Jackson has signed up his entire team to 21 days in the wilderness without food, shelter, or clothing.

“We need some cohesiveness out there,” Jackson said from his zen garden. “And nothing brings you together like starting a fire with your nards dangerously close to the flames.”

Knicks star Carmelo Anthony was forced to postpone the launch of three separate fragrance lines he had been planning, and was reportedly miffed to discover that the titular “naked” element of the show expressly forbade the use of fedoras.

Phil, hoping his players survive (Getty)

Phil, hoping his players survive (Getty)

However, other members of the team seemed to look forward to the challenge.

“This is nothing,” smiled Latvian center Kristaps Porzingis. “Growing up, we called going into the woods naked ‘the weekend.’ I enjoy the breeze on my boys.”

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