After a game featuring more than 100 penalty minutes due to wild brawls breaking out left and right, the Penguins and Predators have to decided to just play their next game inside the penalty box.

“We’ll be spending most of our time in here anyway, so why not just bring our sticks, set up some goals, and keep the game going?” proposed Penguins center Sidney Crosby. “As long as I can still grind P.K. Subban’s face into the bench or some glass, I’ll be good to go.”



NHL officials have acknowledged that the penalty box’s 8’ by 68” dimensions will make it difficult for the players to pass, shoot, or move around at all, but they remain insistent that “passing, shooting, and moving around is not the point.”

“Listen, we know what the fans want, and it’s not fancy passing or whatever,” said NHL commissioner Gary Bettman. “They wanna see a ruthless, bloody brawl. And putting a dozen dudes in such a small space is the perfect way to ensure we’ll see more of that.”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.