Moments after news broke that a federal appeals court has reinstated Tom Brady’s four-game Deflategate suspension, President Barack Obama halted a press conference detailing an increased military presence in Syria because “this Brady situation is just that important.”

“The Islamic State poses a grave threat to – sorry, Jerry, what was that? They suspended him again?” Obama asked upon hearing the Brady news during a meeting with the press. “Guys, I apologize, but I have to go. The justice system in America needs me.”


The U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals’ decision to overturn a lower court’s ruling against the suspension quickly made waves in the U.S. Capitol, proving once and for all that Tom Brady’s ability to play four football games is of the utmost national importance.

Republican presidential candidates Ted Cruz and John Kasich also announced that they are halting their joint efforts to defeat Donald Trump in order to “figure this Brady thing out.”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.