With NHL scoring the lowest it has been in years, the league has taken the measure of requiring fans to regularly yell “Shoot” at players.

“We think this will stimulate scoring league wide, while making fans feel more involved,” said commissioner Gary Bettman. “The boys clearly need some encouragement. This isn’t soccer for Pete’s sake. ”

The commissioner added that the NHL would provide a list of other acceptable things for fans to shout. The list included:


  • “Come on already!”
  • “I’m not getting any younger!”
  • “The little black thingy goes in the net part!”
  • “Put it past the man wearing the armor!”
  • “You’re boring me to death!”
  • “The puck isn’t going to score itself!”

Should this fan based initiative not succeed, Bettman said the league was prepared to take other measures to make sure the puck was finding the net. “We have explored making the net larger, the puck smaller, all kinds of good stuff,” explained Bettman. “One idea popular among the owners right now is covering up the eye holes of goalie masks. We thought this could potentially add a nice comedic touch to games.”

NHL fans said that they could care less about the scoring as long as there were more sweet hockey fights.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.