Fresh off his arrest for cocaine possession, disgraced NFL defensive end Greg Hardy is hoping that his reappearance in the news will remind teams that he’s a talented player that just might be worth the trouble.

“You know, I’ve avoided crimes for a little while, and teams weren’t calling,” Hardy yelled/explained. “Back when I was in the news for domestic violence, I got a job with the Cowboys no problem – so I figured, hey, a little legal trouble couldn’t hurt.”

Hardy was unfortunately proven right, as he’s received calls from more than a dozen NFL teams since his arrest.

“The guy’s clearly got some issues,” said one anonymous executive. “But sometimes, these kind of issues allow you to take a step back and ask yourself – ‘boy, wouldn’t he do wonders for our pass rush?’”

“The bottom line is that I’m sorry,” Hardy added, appearing contrite. “I’m sorry that I temporarily allowed teams to forget about me and my impeccable talent. I just hope that this arrest is a step in the right direction.”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.