Just days into his Los Angeles Lakers career, Lonzo Ball is already drawing comparisons to Magic Johnson, and for good reason: he just became enemies with Larry Bird.

“Hey, uh, Mr. Bird?” Lonzo said on a recent phone call with the legendary former Celtic. “Uh, screw you. You’re a turd. A real turd. Yeah, I said it, you turd. Bird the Turd. Ha. Ha. OK, uh, see ya around.”

“That’s my boy!”


Lonzo also reportedly challenged Bird to a game of one-on-one, although sources close to the Ball family indicate that the challenge was almost certainly made by Lonzo’s father LaVar, doing an impersonation of his son.

“I’m just confused,” said Bird. “I mean, if Lonzo wants to reignite the Lakers-Celtics rivalry, that’s great! But why doesn’t he talk trash to the Celtics’ current guys? He knows they’ve got a pretty good team nowadays, right?”

In a related development, Lonzo is considering legally changing his name to Magic Ball.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.