Considering the state of both the Jets and Giants, New York City has officially requested another NFL team.

“We’re dyin’ over here,” said New York mayor Bill DeBlasio. “It’s bad enough we gotta go to Jersey to see a game. But who are we even going to see anymore? Shane Vareen?”

Several names are being floated around for the new team. Current favorites include the New York Watchables, the New York Low Bars, and the New York Please Be Goods.

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“It is a shame that we’re wasting one of the best markets in the world,” admitted Commissioner Goodell. “I guess we could give them the Jaguars, but London’s gonna be pissed.”

“Jaguars?” almost all of London said in response. “Who the hell are the Jaguars?”

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