Maintaining their famed neutrality, Switzerland is refusing to celebrate the US Open triumph of their countryman Stan Wawrinka.

“There are certain things we hold dear as a nation that must trump any feelings we may have about the individual successes of our people,” said Switzerland’s president, Johann Schneider-Ammann. “Neutrality is the cornerstone of our nation.”

The nation released a statement, equally praising Wawrinka and Djokovic for their accomplishments in reaching the US Open final, as well as commending all participating players on a fine tournament.


However, this year’s champion seemed a bit less than thrilled at his homeland’s reaction.

“I’m pretty sure that when Roger [Federer] was winning, Switzerland was celebrating,” said Wawrinka, a touch of bitterness creeping into his voice. “I could be wrong, but I don’t think so. I’m just saying…”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.