With Dwyane Wade leaving for Chicago and Chris Bosh’s career likely over, the Heat have their hands full this upcoming season. Still, fans are excited to see the team’s plethora of young talent on display.

That said, here are five key questions literally no one’s asking about the Heat:

Has Erik Spoelstra ever done any acting?

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(via Getty)

I get why one might think he has, because he’s kinda got that soap star look. Great skin, great hair. But no, he hasn’t.

What are the odds the Marlins let the Heat use their huge Dolphin statue in center field?

Pretty low. That statue usually moves around and lights up when the Marlins hit a home run, and there aren’t any home runs in basketball. Maybe it could be for three pointers? But moving that statue would be a logistical nightmare.

What exactly does that singer say in the Will Smith song “Miami” after “Welcome to Miami”? Is it something about the Heat?

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(via Getty)

She says “Bienvenidos a Miami.” It’s just “welcome to Miami” in Spanish. The Heat aren’t mentioned in the song at all.

What was the most surprising result of the Heat preseason so far?

Probably losing by nine at home to Minnesota. But it’s preseason, so it’s hard to tell how hard both teams were playing.

What’s Hassan Whiteside’s astrological sign?

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(via Getty)

He’s a Gemini. I looked it up.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.