A newly-opened Native American high school has officially selected the Racist Billionaires as its team name, with new mascot “Snydie the Racist Billionaire” set to pump up the crowds.

“I find this team name offensive,” said Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder. “The stereotypical representation of billionaires is unconscionable.”

“And I can’t help thinking this is somehow aimed at me for some reason,” he added.

School principal Mark Brent, a member of the Shawnee tribe, fired back at Snyder, noting that “75% of billionaires had not problem with the name, and 85% of racists actually loved the team name,” according to a nationwide poll.


“Why would we change this this flagrantly insulting and targeted names just because a minority of people are hurt by it?” pondered Brent. “Those people probably weren’t going to buy our Racist Billionaires merchandise anyway.”

The whole community has rallied behind the name, as the team’s exciting new “affirmative play-action” offense is averaging nearly 31 points per game.

“Okay, I’m on board,” Snyder conceded. “Whatever helps me make me more money. I don’t ‘do morality.’ It’s a waste of time.”

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.