The courts have come to a decision regarding the disputed appropriation of Dikembe Mutombo’s famous “finger wag,” reportedly awarding Toronto Raptors forward Bismack Biyombo custody every other weekend and on Congolese holidays.

“We have come to what we feel is a fair decision,” Mutombo said. “Bismack is an exciting young player and I consider him part of my family. But I need to be able to wag my finger unimpeded Monday through Friday.”

The courts held an emergency deliberation session, after the retired NBA legend stated that he had not provided the 23-year old Biyombo with permission to wag his finger in the stately Mutombo fashion.


“The case of Mutombo v. Biyombo is not without precedent in American judicial history,” said Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who presided over the case. “Not since Ken Griffey Jr. wanted to use his father’s then-patented home run stare have we convened on such an important matter requiring our immediate attention.”

Out of respect, Biyombo is expected not to block any shots at his upcoming weekday playoff game.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.