Following their win over The Ohio State University, Michigan State has officially applied to have “The” added to their name.

NCAA guidelines clearly state that in order to add “The” to a team’s title, the team must first make Urban Meyer upset. Then, the team may present a powerpoint to the CFP Ranking Board. The powerpoint presentation needs to include clip art, bullet points, and pie charts.

Finally, the team must then submit an application that includes: the school’s mean SAT scores, two letters of recommendation, and a written statement that should be witty, but not too witty.

“We were a little nervous about the application, to be honest. I mean yeah, playing without our starting quarterback was tough, but it certainly wasn’t more difficult than writing a well-crafted essay,” said head coach Mark Dantonio.

The Michigan State University. Tell me that doesn’t sound classy as f***,” added The MSU President Lou Anna Simons.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.