After New York took a commanding 3-0 lead, Mr. Met spent the rest of Tuesday night talking some serious shit.

“Good game,” said Mr. Met while patting despondent Cubs fans on their way out the door. “You’re just going to have to wait another 70 years to get to the big one. AW DAMN!” Mr. Met then shook his comically large head with laughter while crip walking in circles.


“Hold up! I know my brain is made of cork and yarn, but is Ronald Reagan president?! Because it’s starting to feel a lot like 1986 up in here! AW DAMN!!” Mr. Met then began high stepping past the Cubs dugout while waving one finger like Dkembe Motumbo.

“Wait. Sorry. Wait a second. Hold up,” said Mr. Met pretending to sniff the air. “I know my olfactory glands are nothing but yarn and twine, but I swear I smell VICTORY!!! DAWWWW DAMN!!” Mr. Met then proceeded to bend over and shake his posterior while humming “Watch Me” by Silento.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.