Dude it’s about to be ON! If you come to New York my mom will let us stay up as long as we want. Do you get how awesome that could be? No curfew.

Things this great don’t come around very often. Don’t get me wrong, my mom is totally cool, and she lets me do basically whatever I want. But when D-Rose was thinking about coming to New York she wouldn’t budge on the 11pm bedtime. Now look at us: the world is our oyster, my man!

There are so many crazy things we can do if you come to New York. Like ride the subway all the way down to Coney Island, and then just, like, ride it back. Crazy! Or buy tickets to one movie, but then sneak into something totally different. Oh! Have you ever eaten squid? It’s basically an octopus. Anyway, you can eat that here.

Ahh, this is going to be so great. You’ve got to say yes. My mom just got me NBA2K17 and we can play all night. That game is so good. The Warriors don’t miss! It’s sick. … Sorry, man I forgot. Anyway, just come to New York. It will be so cool, I promise. Oh, and by the way, don’t tell Derrick about the no bedtime thing.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.