Without retired running back Marshawn Lynch, the Seahawks have struggled on offense, scoring only 15 points in their first two games. It’s caught the attention of Lynch, who claims the team’s lack of sideline Skittles is without a doubt slowing them down.

“You mocked me. Now look at you,” Lynch told the Seahawks at the team’s facility. “Skittles improve strength, speed, and endurance! The only good thing I can say about your sorry performance is that it’ll finally put the Skittles naysayers to rest.”

The eccentric Lynch always kept his teammates guessing as to how serious he was being at any given moment. But now Lynch is making it crystal clear that no Skittles is the problem and more Skittles is the solution.


“Russell Wilson, need help with your accuracy? Try tropical Skittles. Thomas Rawls, still recovering from your ankle injury? Tell the doctors you need those wild berry Skittles.”

When Lynch, eating bags and bags of Skittles throughout his entire speech, asked the team how they thought he activated Beast Mode, the room fell silent. Eventually, head coach Pete Carroll raised his hand.

“Skittles?” answered Caroll. “Damn right,” replied Lynch.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.