Hey buddy, we’re all excited to have you on the team, but you gotta put your jersey, pal. I really don’t want to have to ask you again. This is the sixth time this week.

Nope, no, no, that loose muscle shirt with the exposed sides is not acceptable either. Take it off. Give it to me. Tim? I’m being serious now.

We have two jerseys: one for home games, and one for away games. Depending on where we are, you have to wear one of those two.


Nope, you’re still not getting me. Now you’re just wearing a really tight t-shirt that says “Jesus Saves,” with a cartoon of Jesus as a soccer goalie saving a penalty kick. It’s amusing, sure, but it’s not what we wear on this minor league baseball team.

Don’t get all pouty, Tim. Come on, now. We all have to wear these jerseys. Surely you must have experienced this during your football days. If people wore whatever they wanted, it would be chaos on the field, right? There’s that smile!

Okay, now you’re putting on one of those Syndergaard jersey/t-shirts you can buy in the Citi Field gift shop. Ugh, all right, let’s just go with that. Really fun great to have you here, Timmy.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.