After the Rangers were eliminated in the first round by the Pittsburgh Penguins, goaltender Henrik Lundqvist set his sights on a long offseason of getting even more handsome.

“You never want to go out in the first round like this,” said a somber Lundqvist, looking even more dashing wearing the pained look of defeat. “But I can tell you that personally I will use this loss as motivation to come back next season looking more prepossessing than I ever have.”


Coaches and teammates were confident that Lundqvist would do everything in his power to return next season in the most attractive shape of his career.

“The guy is the definition of a hard worker,” said teammate Rick Nash. “Whether he comes back able to perfectly rock a piece of male jewelry or sporting just the right amount of gray in his hair, I can guarantee he will be back and better-looking than ever.”

Wrapping up post-game interviews at his locker, Lundqvist ran some mousse through his hair, applied just the right amount of a lovely cologne, and departed the stadium.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.