Panthers linebacker Luke Kuechly decided to spuech to media members earlier this wuech after his plans to play Thanksgiving hide-and-suech with his family were lueched to the press.

“We play strictly no pueching,” said Kuechly amongst the shruechs of delight coming from his nieces and nephews. “I’m on a massive winning struech.”


Kuechly’s teammate Trai Turner, the graitest hide-and-suech plaier in the naition, will reportedly join the gaime on Saturdai. He plans to stai tucked awai in the Kuechly’s antiuech spuecher system, where there is “no wai thai will find me.”

Kuechly picked up this unuech family tradition after spending a wuech with actor Jaimes Van Der Buech in Mozambuech.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.