The Tennessee-Alabama football game is always a heated rivalry, but this year the stakes are even higher as the schools have decided that the loser has to keep Lane Kiffin, Alabama’s Offensive Coordinator and Tennessee’s former head coach. Kiffin is a talented offensive strategist, but also just an annoying and embarrassing weirdo.

Alabama Head Coach Nick Saban said “Lane is a key piece of our offense, but he is also just super irritating on Twitter. Like why does he keep trolling UT fans? He left them,” referring to Kiffin’s penchant for taunting Tennessee, a school he abruptly left for a job at University of Southern California. “It’s like, dude, you’re 40.”

Tennessee, for their part, is not interested in welcoming back their former coach. “Remember when he told that high school kid he’d be pumping gas for the rest of his life?” said Tennessee quarterback Joshua Dobbs. “I mean, the ties and stuff?” (Kiffin wore an orange tie to last year’s Alabama-Tennessee which was rude, but mostly confusing and desperate.) “Our program is just returning to glory,” Dobbs continued. “So, there’s extra pressure on this game. We can’t risk getting Lane Kiffin.”

That’s one thing the Alabama and Tennessee programs can agree on. “I sometimes think Lane thinks he stars in his own Southern douchier version of Entourage or something,” Saban conjectured. “I hate him.”

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*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.