Hey Kevin,
It’s your friend and fellow NBA superstar, Lebron James. I read your article in “The Players’ Tribune.” It was eloquent and heart-felt. Your team of publicists really nailed that one. Tell them “nice job.” I can understand the many reasons why you’re headed to Golden State. New places offer new challenges. But I have one question: what happened to loyalty, man?

Oklahoma City is a small market. The Thunder fans don’t have much to cheer for, which makes them all the more grateful that you’re there. So why would you abandon them to play for a team that already has a couple of NBA All Stars? Who does that? Are you hoping that joining a team of great players will help you finally win the NBA title you’ve been dreaming of all your life? Well, I’ve got news for you. That only happens two, maybe three times. The other one or two seasons are really frustrating.

I don’t know. Maybe I come from a different time – a time when a player’s home town meant something. A time when that player could promise to play for his little home town all his life, then leave for a while, then come back to that little home town after he won a couple rings and went to baller clubs for a few years. I’m old school like that. Players today seem like they’re only looking out for themselves. They don’t even think about the money that their leaving announcement can make for some Boys and Girls club out there.

Look, I know you’re young. You”re still learning. And as you grow into the man that I know you can be, you’ll figure out what’s really important. Only then will you return to the place that loved you from the beginning. And hopefully that place will now have a couple of number one picks on their team. And it also might help for you to pick the coach and get a few of your veteran friends to come play too.

If you want to talk about this, just give me a call. Right now I’m in Los Angeles trying to get Chris Paul to abandon those fools out there. (I mean, what is that team even doing?). But I’m always here for you. And if we talk, I’ll tell you myself: loyalty means something. I hope it won’t take you four incredibly fun-filled, regret-free years in Miami to understand that.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.