LeBron James has opted out of playing for Team USA in Rio de Janeiro this summer; citing the need for rest as the reason for declining the invitation — a decision made just before firmly agreeing to a third Nutella crepe offered by a Disney Cruise ship employee.

“I just want to take it easy for a while after the season I just had” said James, demanding more powdered sugar from a man dressed like Tropical Donald Duck. “After this I’m jet skiing with some dolphins. Well, maybe one more. Then I’ll definitely check out the jet skis”.

James reportedly went directly from the victory parade to the cruise liner. (Getty)


Many other top-tier athletes, including golf phenom Rory McIlroy, have also backed out of Olympic invitations on account the Zika virus and fears of other health concerns centered around Brazil.

“To be honest, I could care less about the Zika virus, typhoid, hepatitis. You’ve tried Nutella right? Imagine an unlimited amount of it served inside of a thin pancake. Now imagine eating all of it while listening to ‘Let it Go’ sung live in front of a giant waterslide. Do you see where I’m going with this?”

James seems content with his decision to forgo the honor of playing in the Olympic games, but still promises to continue some athletic pursuits while vacationing. He regularly practices on Goofy’s Sports Deck, mostly dunking on frustrated tween boys and further dominating them in ping pong once their ankles get too sore.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.