In an inspiring gesture of goodwill, LeBron James donated over 5,000 pairs of shoes to kids around the country who were bullied for wearing the new James Harden “Triple-Black” signature sneakers.

“I heard stories of these teenagers getting roasted by bullies on Snapchat, and I just had to do something,” said LeBron at a solemn press conference. “There was this one kid, Charlie I believe, who was actually asked by his 9th grade science teacher, “What are thooooose?” I mean, can you imagine? A science teacher? It’s just so sad.”

Thousands of parents flooded LeBron’s foundation with thank you cards, including Marcy Galworth of Keller, Texas: “James Harden is a professional basketball player. I assumed he knew what good, cool sneakers looked like! My Brendon doesn’t deserve public scorn for a mistake I made. Bless you, LeBron. Bless you.”

Several children rejected the LeBron’s gift, however, finding the maligned Harden shoes to be quite comfortable at their after-school jobs at rock quarries and coal mines.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.