A lot of people have been talking about how the Warriors should have easily beaten the Cavs this year, and that they completely choked. I’m not saying they didn’t choke, because they did. But the 1997 Warriors choked way harder than the 2016 Warriors!

Now when I say “the 1997 Warriors,” I really just mean myself. One: because I was the best player on that team by a lot. And two: because I was the only one choking people. Unless you count the time Muggsy Bogues choked out B.J. Armstrong during a dice game. But that wasn’t basketball related, so I digress…

Yes, the 2016 Warriors choked on a tremendous level, being the first team to lose in the NBA Finals after being up 3-1. But I ask you: did anyone actually put their hands around another person’s neck like I did to P. J. Carlesimo? No! And don’t even try to give me some mess about Draymond Green kicking and slapping dudes in the nuts. Nut kicks aren’t chokes!


Nothing compares to looking into another human’s eyes and seeing the fear of God. And while looking into the mirror and seeing the fear of God — which is what the ‘16 Warriors saw after the Cavs forced a Game 7 — is tough, that was a reaction to another team’s action. The ‘97 Warriors — and by that I mean “myself” — were not a reactive team. We were a PROactive team. We proactively went out and choked. We never waited for the choking to come to us.

I’ve never been one to kick a man when they’re down. I prefer to do it while they’re standing up in the middle of a practice. But the 2016 Warriors couldn’t hold a candle to the 1997 Warriors. Mostly because they’re hands would be too busy trying to pry our hands from their throats. ‘Cuz we’d be choking them.

We can't play sports*, but we can make jokes about them!

*Two of our writers hit a home run** once
**It was in a video game.